| Anime North |
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| 03:19pm 23/05/2004 |
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Anime north was disappointing!
I was completely out of my element there. The last anime I was really into was DragonBallZ and that was about 2 years ago. So I had no interest in 99% of the dealer room. I tried watching some of the Animes at the hotel venues. Except for one, they were all exemplary of the worst qualities of anime. Cliched and corny! Peacock King really stood out though. It had a Norse mythology/Nazi theme to it which pulled me into it. I'm a big fan of Norse, and the nazi stuff is so interesting because it's so twisted and wrong! But I only watched about 15 minutes of it before moving on. I'd like to watch the rest of it at some point, I'll ask Jason if he has. he's such an otaku!
I had a sketch of me done, it was pretty cool. I don't know what i'll do with it, hanging it seems narcissistic. I'd like to get Matt to draw one, I think it would be intresting to see 2 completely different art styles of the same person.
I'm thinking about going to the Snooty Fox tonight, they have karaoke which might be fun. |
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| Thinking about myself and my life |
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| 07:09pm 16/05/2004 |
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In the last week I've had some startling revelations about myself and who I am. Truthfully I am insecure, and unconfident. And what I've lost out on because of it is clear to me. Friends and fun and a better life are what i'm wasting by being who I am.
But that time is over now. It's time to grow up and starting forging ahead rather than waiting for life to come to me. I have good qualities, i'm a good person to be around, I can be confident about myself. My attitude has changed in a lot of my habits. I'm tidier, at work I speak more with people, I smile and walk taller.
I'm not happy with my career? I'm going to look for different work, and check out distance education or night classes for my CIP's. I'm going to speak with the local State Farm Agent and see if he'll allow me to volunteer there and further develop my insurance and business skills. I can repair the damage I let happen, and I'll be better for it.
On to lighter matters,
I'm going to write a letter to Clarisse, and perhaps maybe possibly the other ex-girlfriend. I'm not entirely sure about the etiquete. Is it proper to do, or worthwhile or will it open a can of worms? What a dramatic(traumatic?) relationship it was with her. Live and learn!
I had a great run today. I was thinking about doing the standard 7k run, but ended up going down Hamilton drive, and past Morgan firestone down into the trails. It's so beautiful there, and the birds are like an orchestra with my footsteps providing the beat. Towards the end it turned bad though, with some stomach and other pains. Just kinda goes with the territory. |
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| Wearing a tie to Wal-mart |
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| 10:10pm 15/05/2004 |
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My coworkers had problems accepting me wearing a tie. Seems like everyone wanted to know why I had it on. I just wanted to look a bit more professional Weird. I need to get out of there soon. Applied to 2 adjuster positions today. Studied up on Accident Benefits, will continue to do so. I have to be more expressive, and talk more to people. |
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| Resume/Korean BBQ |
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| 02:39am 15/05/2004 |
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What a feast I just enjoyed.
Korean Barbeque in Scarborough, I've spent months trying to push the adventure. The stars aligned today for it to happen. Adrian navigated for the driver whom was me. Matthew, Jason, and Dan were passengers and in-drive entertainment.
There is some primal instinct that is quenched from the consumption of meat off the grill. Unlimited amounts! 2 hours of gluttonous over indulgence. If there is an after life we'll all suffer time in purgatory for that sin.
Adrian got his second wind, and enjoyed some fine green product in Westdale. I'm heavily under the effects still. It's making typing so much more difficult, but making it so so enjoyable. He truly is wise beyond his age, as he puts it, I was really moved by some of what he said.
A great evening, and there was much rejoicing. |
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| Really short story |
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| 09:17pm 10/05/2004 |
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Malcom was pensive about flirting with compelte strangers in the public library. On one hand, the likelyhood of meeting the flirtee again is complelyt unlifekly, so there isn't anything to lose long term, he will have to live with knowing that none of the girls there would choose him over and evening of watching whatever contrived and exploitive reality television show was on that night.
There are occasions when somehow his self doubts and insecutrityes are late for delivering their monologues of the utter futility of it all and the terrible humilition he'll suffer. Those times are few and fare between, however they are intergral to the feeble flirting function he has. The whole prcess is as delicate and precise as walking a tighrope. One gust of wind and the amateur acrobat Malcolm is on the short bus to angsty despair. Malcolm indulged in melodramatics to distort the truth, to soften the blow and to help keep the attempts sparse so there are fewers bruises on his ego.
"But what the hell, i'll do it"
There were no girls in the fiction department aside from an old woman, and a fat comic book guy type.
"shit." |
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| Volunteering Monday+Tuesday for 6 weeks |
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| 04:01pm 29/04/2004 |
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This should help develop my office skills+office software and customer service. Which I will soon add to my resume.
Speaking of which, Economical, Gore, ING, all have turned me down for underwriter positions. I'm considering changing battleplans. New target is securing a customer service position in a brokerage. I plan to tinker with my resume tomorrow. I'm undecided whether to keep it's 2 page format or condense further to 1 page. I've read that only Jesus and Nobel lauriets should use 2 page. I've actually read 3 page, they seemed silly and useless. So with a resume completed hopefully over the course of the weekend, i'll be ready to start calling brokerages around hamilton about getting a job.
The house is very quiet lately, there is a sadness to the air. I've had the windows open, trying to shunt out the negative energy. Just a brief reprieve before it builds back up again. Mother is under the impression that Dad will keep the house. I'm of the belief she should hire a lawyer, have the assets split and cut the cord on a lot of what made life in Ancaster. Lord Jesus, i'm praying I find a decent paying job soon. The possibilties of having to rent a room and working FT at wal-mart is scary.
Also, Japan English teacher job hasn't replied. I suspect I need a credit check. Fear of massive identity theft has been increasing. |
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| The Cheese Cake |
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| 03:14pm 27/04/2004 |
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Clarisse and family enjoyed it very much. I had a slice too. Mrs. Burtwistle gave me far to much however, my stomach is aching still. However, I really liked it too. I felt the recipe has to much lemon juice in it though, or that my mixing the filling was substandard. Which is entirely possible, I failed to let the cream cheese come to room temperature last night because of the volunteer interview in the middle of the day and the delicious dinner that mother and I prepared. Big ups to Jamie Oliver, the fish recipe was quite nice. But the Cheese Cake overall was quite nice. I'm glad Clarisse liked it, she said she wanted to have one for her birthday but her Mom didn't make one.
Shockingly, she actually seemed to prefer the idea of a strawberry cheese cake rather than a peanutbutter and fudge like what we had together at the Bubble Bobble.
god help me with the calories i've eaten today. and Matthew's quasi-party still! shite! |
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| Something rotten in the state of home. |
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| 12:11pm 27/04/2004 |
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Yesterday mother told father that she'll be looking for a place to live soon. Sad news indeed. I don't feel really sad but i've been eating excessively again. Father has become increasing recluse, saying very few words to anyone in the household. He drove home drunk on sunday, which was the feather that broke the camels back. I asked for me keys and he was shouting at me that he'd cut my insurance off. He can't cope with any stress right now. Surprisingly he hasn't been boozing heavily though.
I overheard him talking on the phone, perhaps to Brenda his friend. He spoke as if mother is leaving him because he went out. Driving home drunk, completely pissed, was more of a factor. Coupled with the fact that on the sunday, he said he was out with the squad drinking. The monday, he said he was at Brenda's drinking. Lying, something he has done all his life. I don't think he'll be truthful with himself over why mother has made this choice.
Mother has been planning this for a few years now. She's ready for it, and while she is sad, she is resolute in her choice to leave him and be a better person. I'm glad she's finally done it. Father is an emotional child, with alcohol problems and habitual liar. He is completely unwilling to change, and uses pills to keep his temper down. Mother is developing herself spiritually, and working through the problems she brings from her childhood. Making herself more secure and confident.
I'm hoping to hear back from Matt at the movie festival volunteer I applied to. I want an office support position, which will give me better experience and godwilling a better chance at getting a job in the insurance industry.
It's far to cold today, I only ran for 1km. pathetic!
I'll be preparing Clarisse's gift soon, and delivering it. I sampled a tiny bit of the cheesecake, it's delicious. |
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| 09:46pm 25/04/2004 |
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Seeing the Dalai Lama was incredible. He was so free of the normal hold-ups and ways that you see from day to day in everyone. He was at peace with himself, and happy to be where he was. Quite remarkable.
What suprised me, was his response to the question about Tibet. There was a slight sadness beneath what he said. His culture is being assimalated, and it is a great loss for the world. Under the PRC, their culture has little hope. Perhaps in our lifetime we'll be lucky enough to see China shed it's malign communist skin, and become a stronger nation with Tibetan culture enduring rather than being destroyed.
However there is little hope for that in my eyes. Canada butchered the Indian population, and tried to brainwash the children. The children would be sent off to english schools away from home and family. Letters to parents would have to be in English, not their native tongue. It's a horrific part of Canada heritage, and sadly little of it is covered in the history classes. Another example of even Canada's culture being washaway. Canadian children learning about the government system in America. appalling.
The Indian culture of today? I find it questionable. Unreasonable demands seem to be the norm for reparations. |
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| Dalai Lama |
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| 08:54am 25/04/2004 |
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Weather is inclement. Have to go for a run soon, and hope it doesn't rain later today while at the skydome. |
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purdential's journal